She Could Make Hell Feel Just Like Home
by hereiamdestroya
Summary: When Kendall Knight is taken back to Palmwoods Foster Home again, the last thing he thinks he'll find is love, but when he meets Johanna Taylor and is reunited with old friends, maybe he can find a place to truly call a home. Rated M for future sex scenes, drugs, trigger warnings of suicide/self harm & depression.


**Hi guys, brand new story. Please let me know what you think :) Thanks! ~ hereiamdestroya**

* * *

"I cannot _stand_ you being here anymore! We're taking you back to the Palmwoods!" The woman screams, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Kendall Knight was already packing what little stuff he had taken to his latest foster home, his guitar and books and his old hockey sweater.

_Fuck this house_ he thought. This was the 12th house he had lived in, ever since being put into Palmwoods Foster Home when he was just seven years old. He had been in and out since, and even now at eighteen years old, he was still doing the same. This family he had been put with were not the worst he'd been given but they sure as hell weren't helping him. He'd gotten into a huge fight again and the police had dropped him off at midnight.

Even now, as he packed his bags, he had blood dripping from his nose. But he didn't care. He just wanted to leave.

* * *

The next morning, first thing, Kendall's foster mother dropped him off at Palmwoods, the only home he'd ever really known, and signed all the papers as quickly as she could.

Kelly, the manager had had a disappointing look on her face when Kendall waltzed in – she was never surprised when Kendall came back.

"Kendall. You'll be in room 2J again…" Kelly told him. He just nodded. It was a trick he had learnt a long time ago to show he didn't care. And it worked.

"Well…" His former foster mother started "Goodbye". Without saying another word, she turned around and left, allowing Kendall to breathe easier.

Although he hadn't been at Palmwoods for three months, he still felt happy to be back and immediately smiled.

"I don't know why you're grinning, Kendall…You're lucky you weren't arrested last night." Kelly sighed, putting the paper work away and sealing it tight.

"Come on Kelly. You can't say you haven't missed me!" Kendall laughed but Kelly wasn't smiling. When she didn't say anything back, he dropped the grin. "I'll see you later".

He picked up his bags and made his way to the lift, patiently waiting for it. It was pretty quiet in the lobby and he guessed it was because it was half nine on a Saturday morning. If he hadn't had been woken up abruptly by his foster mother telling him they had to go, he'd be asleep too.

He jabbed the lift button once more, impatiently. His temper was one thing nobody would ever be able to change.

"You press that any harder and you'll break it." A female voice told him.

Kendall turned to his side to find the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen standing next to him. A little shorter than him with long blonde hair, thick eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes. She smiled slightly.

The lift opened and he rushed forward, leaving enough space for the girl to stand in beside him.

"I'm good at wrecking things." Kendall half laughed.

"Like your face? What happened?" She asked with a look of concern in her expression.

He laughed gently. "I got in a fight." He told her honestly. "What floor?"

"Two" She told him. He hit the button and stood idly, waiting.

"I haven't seen you here before." He told her, gripping his guitar a little tighter.

"I don't make a habit of not having a home." She said, suddenly feeling uneasy. She pulled her long sleeves down a little further, covering her hands. "Sorry…"

"It's ok. Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…My name's Kendall." He held out a hand and she reluctantly took it.

"I'm Johanna."

"Nice to meet you." He told her before the lift doors opened wide onto their floor. He heaved his stuff out onto the carpet and looked down the corridor to where his room was. "I'm that way." He said.

"Cool…I'll see you at lunch, I guess, Kendall." The girl smiled, turning away, not waiting for a response. He watched her walk down the corridor and round a corner before dragging his stuff to his room.

2J had been his room on and off for three years and he'd shared with a mixture of different people but the last people had been James and Logan, friends he had made in his early teens who had been living in Palmwoods similarly in style to Kendall. They'd been with families too but it just rarely worked or there were complications. Kendall had stayed in contact with them over the three months but it was difficult living across states from each other. He hoped they were still here, selfishly.

He tried the door and found it was unlocked, taking a step inside, he saw the three beds all parallel to each other and the en-suite bathroom to the left. One of the beds, the middle one, was occupied by a body that Kendall couldn't recognize underneath the huge duvet but the left bed was occupied by a short brunette boy that Kendall knew well. He was sitting up, researching something on his laptop, but hearing the door open, he looked up.

"Kendall! What are you doing here?" The boy – Logan – jumped up and walked the short distance to the boy to embrace him. He was wearing his pyjamas still.

"I'm back." Kendall smiled.

"What the hell happened to your face?" Kendall guessed the bruises were starting to deepen and the cut lip didn't help his look.

"I got into a fight. It was nothing…" Kendall told him.

"Would you shut the hell up? Some people are trying to sleep around here." James' voice boomed in the room and both the boys laughed at their friend, causing him to get up, dressed only in a pair of boxers, his hair up in tufts.

"Hey man. Sorry for waking you". Kendall laughed.

James just hugged him, then slapped him around the head before falling back into his bed, near enough fast asleep. Logan motioned for them to leave the room and threw a jumper on. Kendall dropped all his stuff to the floor and they left James to his beauty sleep.

* * *

"So, what happened?" Logan asked as the two guys sat in the garden space of the home. There was a huge outdoor area including a large playground for the younger kids, a big field space and a little pond at the end with a bridge running over it. That's where they were standing. It was far enough back and overshadowed by trees that nobody could see them smoking their cigarettes.

"I was in town last night, getting drunk and then there was basically just a bar fight…that got taken out into the street and then the police came…and yeah" Kendall took a long drag.

"You're lucky they didn't chuck you in a cell, Kendall-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Kelly's already informed me of how lucky I am…I don't need it from you too…How comes you're back here too?" Kendall asked.

"I thought you were going to stay with a family in San Diego."

Logan took a harsh drag before looking at his friend. "They changed their minds…"

"Well, fuck them." Kendall finished his cigarette and threw it into the pond, callously. Logan followed suit. "I'm happy to see you, man".

* * *

By the time they had gone back to their room, James had awoken and thrown on a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt and was attending to his brown locks.

"Hey beauty queen" Kendall joked, lying down on his bed.

"Dude…what are you doing back here?" James asked, eyes averting up from his mirror.

"I'm home" Kendall laughed. "Fucking home."

James and Logan looked to each other. They knew Kendall well enough to know when something was killing him, he would always laugh. The truth was all three of them felt fucked up. They'd had many conversations over the years, late at night, over cigarettes and alcohol about how they felt trapped and like they were worth nothing because come on, if even your own parents, your own family doesn't want you, then who would?

It was something they were used to talking to each other about and they had a friendship that was more like a brotherhood, no matter how much time they spent apart.

"Come on, let's go get some lunch." Kendall jumped up, balancing himself and plastering his best fake smile on, not realising his friends could see through it.

* * *

"I told you I'd see you at lunch." When Kendall heard the voice again, he turned around and smiled. He was at the end of the lunch line, tray in hand, James and Logan in front of him.

Johanna smiled easily, picking up a tray.

"So you did." Kendall grinned.

"So do you play acoustic? I noticed your guitar case earlier…" The blonde asked, holding the tray to her.

"Yeah, yeah. I love it…Do you play an instrument?" Kendall asked, moving along a little in the line.

"I play a little guitar, yeah…acoustic mainly" She told him. "You're up".

He turned around to see a lady serving up something stodgy but wholesome and took his share of it. "I'll see you" He told Johanna and she just smiled and nodded. Kendall found a seat next to his friends at a small table and was welcomed by a crowd of 'Oooooh's.

"You've been back for less than five hours and you're already eyeing a girl up" James laughed, stuffing his face with food, clearly hungry after whatever activity he had been up to last night. James Diamond was pretty erratic. Insanely in love with himself, but also in love with other people. Somehow he managed to be the most narcissistic yet nice person Kendall had ever met. And he was a really great friend who had a mighty sexual appetite. The last family he had been with had bought him back to Palmwoods because he had managed to sleep with their four daughters and also get a hand job off their son. Somehow, the couple didn't think the situation could work with him living there.

"Dude, no…it's not like that…I don't even know who she is really." Kendall poked a fork into the mashed potato and took a steady bite.

"Johanna Taylor?" Logan piped in. "She's just turned eighteen. She was in an orphanage for like eight years apparently and then moved here a month ago."

"How do you even know all this?" Kendall asks the brunette boy.

"I pay attention…and you know, this isn't a big place. Things get around, you hear stuff."

Kendall thought for a moment, looking across the room to see Johanna sitting on her own at a table by the window. An orphan. Kendall wondered what had happened. Curiosity was in his nature. She really was stunning and Kendall was kind of absorbed by her presence. Even when her eyes stared dead straight into his, it took Kendall a minute to come back to before he blushed a little and looked back to his friends. She smiled but he didn't dare look at her.

Since when had he become a hot mess. This wasn't Kendall. He was always cool and collected, especially when it came to girls – not when it came to fights. Before he had a chance to work out how to stop blushing, his thoughts were interrupted by a young Latino guy sitting down next to Logan, opposite him.

"Kendall, this is Carlos…Carl, this is our old friend Kendall. He's just come back" Logan introduced them happily, a smile staying on Carlos.

"Hey, cool to meet you. I've heard about you" Carlos smiled, setting his plate of food down.

"You too, man" Kendall said politely. Logan and Carlos started a new conversation and their gazes were only for each other. Kendall looked to James who smirked and nodded his head. Anyone could tell the two brunettes were completely into each other.

Kendall had always thought Logan was at least bisexual though he'd never really said it to neither James nor he but now, he was pretty sure he was into the Latino guy. James excused him and Kendall and they both put their trays back before leaving the two guys alone, laughing to themselves, knowing they'd rib Logan later that night.

* * *

At just gone midnight, Kendall was wide awake. When Logan had announced he was going to bed early that night and James had plans to go out into the city, Kendall's only plan was to read a book, but he soon found himself wanting to play guitar.

In the dim lighting of their room, Kendall grabbed his acoustic out of its case, pulled on a pair of vans and made his way down to the lobby and out of the doors to the garden. The entire place was secured so the doors were left open at night, knowing there was no way anyone could get into the garden. The stone walls surrounding the place were way too high for anyone to climb and there were security cameras near.

He padded across the grass, pass the playground and to the bridge. It was his favourite place in the Palmwoods and the only place he could really think.

He sat down right in the middle and started strumming on the guitar. He played softly before grabbing his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting up. He took a long drag and looked up. He saw a couple of stars but the LA sky wasn't really one for natural sights. He saw plenty of airplanes travelling across, illuminating the night.

Hearing footsteps, he craned his neck to see who was there. It wasn't like the bridge was secret exactly, but it was rarely used at night anyway.

"Hello?" Kendall called. And then he saw her. Johanna walked forward and was lit gently by the lights coming from the house. She wore just pyjama leggings and a jumper, her hair up in a bun, glasses on.

"It's just me…you mind if I sit with you?" She asked.

"Oh…sure". He made space and she sat down opposite him, legs crossed and pulled her sleeves down again. "Can't you sleep?"

"Nope…I was just going for a walk" She told him. "I don't sleep well."

"How comes?"

Johanna looked at him curiously. She had no idea why she felt this weird impulse towards the new boy, with his messy blond hair and dark green eyes. She wondered whether he believed in fate. That was what she wanted to talk about. She didn't care for small talk, she never had really.

"A side effect of the meds I'm on make me have really vivid nightmares so I avoid sleep for as long as possible" She told him. Perhaps she was testing him, she didn't know. Why did she even care what he thought?

"Celexa?" He asked, looking intently at her.

Surprise on her face, she nodded.

"I'm on it too." He explained. A weird co-incidence. Kendall had been taking the anti-depressant for two years. He'd been suffering from depression for longer than he could really remember and the panic attacks were a bitch. Johanna was right – the dreams were pretty horrible.

They sat in silence for a little while, though there was an understanding between the two of them. Kendall offered her a cigarette and she took it with a thank you, lighting up and looking at him.

"What were your last family like?" Johanna asked, taking a drag.

Kendall rested his arms on his guitar and looked to the girl. "They were fine…uptight. Preppy. I don't know…"

She just nodded – she knew the drill. Some things just aren't meant to work.

Kendall started playing again, strumming lightly. It had always calmed him, music. It was his absolute security through everything. Through all the years of being alone, music was the only thing that had never left.

Johanna finished her cigarette and put it out, before standing up. "That's a nice guitar." She told him as she turned around and started walking towards the house.

"I'll see you here tomorrow night then." Kendall called out, seeing what her reaction would be. He felt on edge with this girl, in the best way possible. He had no idea what to expect from her.

"I'm sure you will." She turned around briefly, smiling a touch before disappearing through the doors.

Kendall sighed and finished his cigarette, finger picking his acoustic. Ok, so he wasn't with a family, but then when had a family ever made him feel like he was a part of it. The only family he had ever known was his friends. The only home he'd ever found was in people he loved. Maybe he'd found a home again here.


End file.
